nokids

Within a few months of my attempts to get pregnant with my helpful sperm donor, I got a positive pregnancy test! Of course, I was elated – but not surprised. I had an unconscious belief in my own immortality, permanent good health and life-long fertility. With this frame of mind, the fact that I soon had some bleeding from time to time did not bother me at all. I soon found on the internet all the information I needed to reassure me that early bleeding in pregnancy was common and not a reason for worry at all. Even the fact that repeated pregnancy tests now showed negative did not shake my certainty. I read how false negatives were common.

When by my reckoning, I was about 10 weeks pregnant, I decided it was time to see my GP and start to discuss ante-natal tests etc.

I was a little surprised that my GP would not take my word for the pregnancy, but asked me to take another pregnancy test at the surgery – but quite happy to comply.

It was the heavily pregnant practice nurse who told me that the test was negative and that I was definitely not pregnant. I was puzzled – how could that be?

My own GP must have been swayed by my intense belief – or perhaps he wanted me to see the reality from another source – because he sent me to casualty at the local hospital, for further checking. Ah! I cringe with embarrassment at the memory! I was taking up valuable medical time to check on a phantom pregnancy, when real people with real illnesses and injuries really needed medical attention. “Spoiled middle-class bitch” must have crossed the mind of the junior doctor who gingerly examined my abdomen – but I did need convincing and I had been sent by my GP. It was not that I had insisted myself that I be seen.

So it turned out I was not pregnant after all. And there was only my word that I ever had been.

I sent back the maternity clothes that I had ordered from “Blooming Marvellous”.

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